[or-cvs] r17132: {website} try to make 30seconds less wrong and/or less misleading. als (website/trunk/en)

[arma at seul.org]

Author: arma
Date: 2008-10-16 18:13:00 -0400 (Thu, 16 Oct 2008)
New Revision: 17132

Modified:
   website/trunk/en/30seconds.wml
Log:
try to make 30seconds less wrong and/or less misleading. also get rid
of some of the incomplete sentences.


Modified: website/trunk/en/30seconds.wml
===================================================================
--- website/trunk/en/30seconds.wml	2008-10-16 17:13:28 UTC (rev 17131)
+++ website/trunk/en/30seconds.wml	2008-10-16 22:13:00 UTC (rev 17132)
@@ -11,7 +11,7 @@
 people's personal data while they're online. Because the vast majority
 of Internet traffic passes along public routes, it is relatively easy
 for prying eyes to view the comings and goings of Internet users -- and
-even gather some important financial or personal information. These
+even link some important financial or personal information to you. These
 snoopers can get their information almost anywhere. Like your Internet
 service provider. Or your favorite website, which may be disclosing your
 shopping patterns. Or maybe a politically rigid government is compiling
@@ -22,47 +22,48 @@
 sophisticated at it. While these organizations remain vague in their
 intentions, their effect on Internet users is clear. For some people,
 this electronic spying is a nuisance that can affect their pocketbook;
-for others, it could jeopardize their personal security.</p> 
+for others, it could jeopardize their personal security.</p>
 
 <p>Since 2001, the Tor Project has been developing free and open-source
 software that helps provide anonymity for Internet users. It works by
 allowing users to travel the web on a circuitous route on a set of
 servers positioned around the world.  When you use Tor, your route on
-the Internet appears haphazard, so snoops have a difficult time
+the Internet is indirect, so snoops have a difficult time
 following your path and seizing vital information. Tor also has special
-functionality, called hidden services, that allows users to publish to
-websites without revealing their location.</p> 
+functionality, called hidden services, that allows users to run
+websites without revealing their location.</p>
 
-<p>Tor is compatible with different operating systems, such as  Microsoft
+<p>Tor is compatible with different operating systems, such as Microsoft
 Windows, Apple Mac, and various versions of Linux. Tor works with most
-programs that connect your computer to the Internet.</p> 
+programs that connect your computer to the Internet.</p>
 
 <p>Today, Tor is used by hundreds of thousands of people to protect their
-activities online. This could be journalists or human rights workers in
+activities online. These include journalists and human rights workers in
 politically rigid countries communicating with whistle blowers and
 dissidents. Law enforcement officers on Internet sting operations stay
-anonymous with Tor. As do people wanting to post socially sensitive
+anonymous with Tor, as do people wanting to post socially sensitive
 information in chat rooms, like rape or abuse survivors and those with
 illnesses. The Tor Network also provides protection for people looking
 for another layer of privacy from the millions of websites bent on
-collecting private information and tracking their moves online.</p> 
+collecting private information and tracking their moves online.</p>
 
-<h2>Why Tor Needs You</h2> 
+<h2>Why Tor Needs You</h2>
 <hr />
 <p>Other than a few developers, the Tor Project is largely run by
 volunteers. To help keep Tor's worldwide server network running and its
 open source software up-to-date, the Tor project is looking for new
 sponsors and funding.  Join organizations like Google, Bell Security
-Solutions, Cyber Threat-Analytics, the National Science Foundation, the
+Solutions, SRI International, the National Science Foundation, the
 NLnet Foundation from the Netherlands, Human Rights Watch, and more than
 500 individuals who have donated funds to the Tor Project.</p>
 
 <p>We guarantee your money will be put to good use. For every dollar
 donated to the Tor Project, 75 cents goes directly into development. We
 also promise good service. Sponsors receive personal attention, better
-support and the chance to influence the direction of Tor.</p>
+support, and the chance to help us choose which of our priorities we
+should focus on next.</p>
 
-<p>The Tor Project is a registered 501 (c)(3) non-profit, making donations
+<p>The Tor Project is a registered 501(c)(3) non-profit, making donations
 tax deductible for those living in the United States or those paying
 taxes with charitable donation reciprocity with the U.S.</p>
 
@@ -74,3 +75,4 @@
 </div><!-- #main -->
 
 #include <foot.wmi>
+