intrigeri:
Mike Perry wrote (11 Mar 2014 18:46:59 GMT) :
Suggestions then?
As noted in another email, I was happy with your proposals :)
Oh, actually I'm pretty sure my proposal is passive voice too though.
Mine:
+<!ENTITY torprogress.pleaseWait "Please wait while a Tor network
connection is established.">
Mark's:
"Please wait while a connection to the Tor network is established."
Both of these are actually passive. In both cases the connection is being established by a mystery agent (because we are trying to avoid mentioning the browser explicitly, which got us into this mess).
I think you're right that this is indicitive of a problem with the wording that we should fix. Or maybe it actually means that trying to avoid mentioning the browser is a Really Bad Idea.
Here's two that aren't passive that got lost in the trim:
"Please wait while Tor establishes a network connection." "Please wait while we establish a connection to the Tor network."
After thinking about it while rewriting these, I think the last one is best in terms of explaining what is happening, and without passive voice. In particular, Tor isn't mucking with your network connection, or creating a new "network connection" on your computer.
Changing strings is fun...